Pain Pain Go Away

I have always had a high tolerance for pain. My older sister accidentally dropped me and broke my arm when I was about 10 months old. She being an innocent 5 year old at the time, forgot to tell my parents. I didn't whine or cry like most babies would if their arm was broken. Instead, I kept crawling around as normal.

My mom only realized something was wrong when she noticed swelling. This was a common reaction to pain as I aged. 

However, this week I seriously considered a hysterectomy. I have been on active hormone therapy since I found out I have Endometriosis. I had noticed break through bleeding earlier this week, and I gave into my uterus's need to bleed. 

The cramps came quickly after my first day off the pill. The only way I can describe how I was feeling is to liken it to a demon eating my insides. 

Artwork by Emma Plukett

It can be difficult handling the pain and trying to live life as though nothing is wrong. I'll admit I had a few intense moments at work as a cramp would rip through me suddenly. 

Like this moment:

I had the incredible opportunity to meet Renee West, the first female president of a major hotel resort on the Las Vegas strip. Talk about an inspiring woman! She climbed her way to the top, and retired in a span of 6 years.

After listening to her keynote at my office, I decided to ask Renee for a picture. Right before I was able to talk to her, I felt the agonizing effects from inflammation in my uterus. I told my co-worker, "I'm dying!" So I faked my way through a smile and ran back to my desk to sit down. 

Pain, although painful ;), has taught me a lot over the years. It helps me to appreciate the experiences where I have little to no pain so much more. Pain has also given me the opportunity to embrace my feelings. 

It is okay to cry, and it's okay to admit that you need help. I sometimes feel dejected and discouraged because the pain is chronic. And those feelings are healthy--- they are there to give me motivation to heal. Pain has also made me more compassionate when others are struggling with their health. 

I wouldn't be who I am today without my disease. Most importantly, pain has given me perspective on all that Christ has suffered on my behalf. When I feel like no one understands, I turn to Christ to give me relief. While there is no cure for Endometriosis, there is comfort in the atonement. I love this quote from the beloved Joseph B. Wirthlin:

Instead of thinking, "Pain, pain go away," I encourage you to think about how you have grown because of your pain.